My heart aches.

This afternoon Mike and I got some news that shook up our whole world. Mike's dad has been diagnosed with leukemia pretty much out of nowhere. He's been sick with what was though to be a cold or bronchitis for the past month, and when it didn't get better, they took an MRI and figured out what it was. I seriously can't believe this is happening. All day I was out of it at school as I awaited a phone call. Fortunately I didn't find out until after school.

My teachers are beyond incredible. What a support system I've got there, from both them and my principal. They were beyond the normal 'sympathetic' and i truly felt like their hearts broke for us. Nancy even started crying for me, which really touched my heart because I know that they care about me. Two of them battled cancer a couple of years ago while another two lost their parents around the same time, so they basically kicked me out of school and told me to take care of my husband. My principal even said that she'd go in and teach my classes if she had to. They're amazing. I know that I will be able to lean on them as Mike and I support each other and edify his family through this difficult time.  

First formal evaluation!

I had my first eval a couple of weeks ago, and I finally got to talk to my principal this morning. It was truly an awesome experience and I am super thankful for my wonderful school. My lesson plan was borrowed from my mentor teacher: we read Helen Keller's autobiography then they attempted to sign into each others' hands to see how hard it would be to be blind and deaf. It was fun.... my principal was impressed. She had great things to say about the observation, and I'm not writing this to brag but so I will always remember this positive experience! She noted:

-how my response time was excellent (new teachers don't tend to wait long enough for students to respond because they feel awkward.) Good thing we specifically practiced waiting for forever in grad school

-how I was good at multitasking when people walked in the room to interrupt 

-loved how the students were engaged, worked together grading each others' papers, and 'popcorn' reading

-she suggested that I could develop 'higher order thinking' questioning skills to really get them to dig deep 

She also suggested that I should get middle-grades certified for job security. I was so encouraged by her words, especially when she told me she wants me around forever! What a blessing to be at this school around incredible mentors who are so nurturing. I am where I am supposed to be, and I praise God for his grace with my life decisions and His goodness in placing me in the perfect school. I love my job! AND I get to read middle school books all the time. What could be better?

I heard a story about a teacher in Charlotte who is suspended for saying something like "I teach at the most ghetto school in Charlotte." Isn't that crazy? Although I know I don't talk trash about my school/students, it does make me hesitant to keep a blog online for everyone to see. I just feel like I could accidently say something really dumb that could get me in trouble without meaning to. I think I've said a couple things in the classroom accidently! Ooops. 

Thanksgiving was wonderful, and it's nice to be back to the kiddos. I am really growing fond of them and enjoy watching them have 'a-ha' moments. It makes me want to do so much more for them, and I feel like my teaching is boring and never good enough. What more can I do? How can I better prepare myself for lesson plans? It helps to keep in mind the purpose... the students won't remember much, but they will remember the activities and what made the information stick in their brains. 

Interims just came out and the grades aren't so good. They got a little lazy and stopped doing homework, plus they're losing their classwork before it gets turned in. Not acceptable! I'm not sure what to do with kids who didn't turn in projects ( i have 3 or 4...) So I'll pretty much be grading 100 boxes for the rest of my life. Hooray. The majority are great, though, and as a whole I am proud of them. While projects are great, I can see why they're kind of a hassle. It's draining to talk about every day (I think I need a better system for answering questions!) And it's hard not to be too subjective. I like concrete rubrics so I'm not sitting there analyzing how many points should be taken off and comparing it to another project of equal effort. 

Well, three weeks until Christmas break. I think we're all looking forward to it, and hopefully we all won't get too squirrely leading up to it :) 

Did I really just tear up at a pet adoption commercial?

I think I'm physically done for the week. I thought this week would never end.... I was so appreciative when it was over. My kids were super squirrely today because the first dance is tonight. I decided not to go, although I would like to see them dressed up. I'm sure they'll be super cute! Um, I'm not sure I have much more to say. They have a biography project due in a couple of weeks, so I hope they have fun with that. I'm going for a run. If I can get myself off this couch. 

Reflecting on the first 9 weeks...

Here are my reflections on the first nine weeks written at Starbucks on a beautiful day. 

            As a teacher, I need to be clearer with giving directions. I feel that there were times that I wasn’t clear, which resulted in confusion/frustration on both ends of the spectrum. This is partly due to it being my first year and not having  set expectations from day 1. The students also need more reminders than what I’m giving them. They are showing me that they’re not spending the necessary time preparing at home for tests, completing homework. What can I do to boost this?  I think that I could make more of an effort to be in contact with parents. If a child receives lower than a ‘c’ on a test, I should ensure that the parent finds out with hopes that they will be on top of his/her student. I guess I assumed parents would keep up with the website, that students would write down assignments in their planners, etc., but I’ve realized that this isn’t the case. I do not want to hold my students’ hands, but I do have to remember that they are young and are just getting into the whole responsibility-thing. And I have to remember that I wasn’t the best at studying and keeping up with tests, but if my parents knew, then they wouldn’t let me live it down.

            I also need to be on top of making sure the students write in their planners. I really wasn’t on top of it, but I really need to be in order to cover my butt if parents say their students had no homework. I think that I could do it differently this nine weeks by having the students write down their homework for the whole week at the beginning of the week. I also need to remember to sign Tommy and Alec’s planner… so if they write it on Monday, this might help me better rather than attempting to remember every day.

            Next on the agenda… classroom management. Due to my ‘youthfulness’ and personality, I’m not the most threatening teacher. I’ve realized that I can manage my classes much easier through positive reinforcement and rewarding on-task behavior. I am blessed to not have any extreme discipline problems in any of my classes; it’s mostly talkative, hyper, or immature students, or lack of effort on assignments. Showing a ‘clip-of-the-week’ and allowing them to sit wherever they want on Fridays has been working well. Since I’m giving them time in class to start the vocabulary assignment, it might work well to not allow the students with zeroes on their homework to watch the clip. I could also pull the kids with names on the board outside… which could work if I’m standing at the door and having another student press ‘play’ on the computer. I hate to punish the entire class for a couple students unable to keep control of themselves, so we’ll try it this way and see how it goes.

            What about things I’ve done well? I feel like I’m so critical of my teaching that it’s hard to think about what was good. I’ve built rapport with the majority of my classes (sixth period is still a pain, but it’s not really their faults.) I’ve figured out a system of organization that, thus far, has worked for me. I’ve done a fair job of talking with parents (although I could make way more phone calls.) I think I’ve done an average job of incorporating technology into the majority of lesson plans. I’ve relied heavily on conversations with other teachers and have made it a point to seek out their wisdom/guidance/ideas, yet I’ve tried to figure things out on my own without seeming too needy. I’ve tried really hard to maintain a respectful manner towards all students, even if it’s super hard to love the obnoxious ones.

            Every morning I pray that I will be a reflection of Christ to them. I try to reflect on how I’ve treated them, how I’ve made them feel regardless of their stupid actions. They need a leader, an encourager, someone who can point them in the right direction lovingly. Have I done this? Have I been a positive example at all times? In the future, they won’t remember learning about genre, sentence types, or vocabulary tests. They won’t recall creating a figurative language booklet, reading AR books, or bi-weekly trips to the library. What they will remember is this: how did I make them feel? Did I belittle them, use too much sarcasm, make them feel incompetent, or did I admit my mistakes, talk to them like a stern but loving parent, encourage them on the little things? I hope they will remember me as a positive teacher, because with my own experience I feel like they were few and far between. 

I'm watching some show at 10:30 about a family who sold their house and moved into an RV to travel the country. I'm fascinated! I would love to travel all fifty states with my future kiddos. I guess I'm still up because I've been planning for tomorrow. The 9 weeks just ended and it's on to a new elective class. There are many things I could have done way better, so I want to make sure I get it right this time. I feel like I didn't put enough time into the class, but came up with last-minute activities to pass the days. I liked the kids, but I didn't give them enough to do, so they were hard to manage. I hope that the class meant something (anything?) to them.... but I know that I can do a lot more for this nine weeks. Teen leadership provides an awesome opportunity to challenge and stretch the kids in ways that could be done with a youth group. If anything, I hope they feel that I respect and will grow to love them as individuals.

Um... let's see what else. I had to scrape ice off the windshield this morning! Ridiculous. Oh, and back to the whining part; I feel like I could be doing so much more... like my lesson plans could be so much better. What if my teaching sucks? What if they're not learning enough because I'm not preparing them well? I wish more could be done, but then again, I'm staying super late at school and planning when I come home. While I want to pour everything I have into it, I'm also married and I need some time to be revitalized, both individually and through spending time with my husband. I don't want to get burnt out my first year! I'm realizing that at the end of the day I need to prioritize what needs to get done, then save the rest for the next day. There's no way I can get everything done, even with a planning day (I did grading for five hours and no planning!) 

Well anyways, I have Friday off due to an 'illness.' Think 'mental health' day. Gotta go to sleep now. 

Not much to report...St

This week is going well. I found out about a 'mystery noise' that occurs a couple times a week during fourth period. It's a banging that comes from the roof; apparently it started last year and they can't figure out what it is. It literally sounds like someone is doing work up in the ceiling... really strange. Maybe it's a ghost... maybe I'll turn it into a writing assignment. 

My after-school hours are starting to slow down. I get done at three; up until this point, I've been staying until six, but I'm really trying to cut back. It's nice to get home and have time to exercise before cooking dinner and planning for the rest of the night. And I've been cheating by reading for fun a little too much. I just can't put those middle school books down...they're so good! This week I read Stargirl by Jerri Spinelli, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and now I'm reading Black Duck. All excellent books, and fun to read. 

    To switch gears a bit, I'm a little frustrated with my elective class. It's only one period a day, and I'm finding it hard to prep for it. Last night I put in a couple hours of planning just for one period! Ack.  I feel like I'm not even getting into the things that I had hoped to cover. I hope that it's meaningful for them. Hopefully they'll learn something about leadership skills. Maybe next nine weeks will be better. 

Homework excuses

So I've given a total of two homework assignments. Two. This week's was assigned last Tuesday to be turned in today. In one class, I had two do it out of 22. They have to fill out "homework zero' passes where they write the excuse on them, and I got some pretty good ones:

- I had fevers all week (**so did I**) 

-I thought we had to do problems 1-5 only (**out of 40**)

- I was absent on Monday (**the homework was assigned Tuesday**)

- I didn't know we had homework (**it was on the board for 4 days**)

- I didn't understand the assignment (**then you should have asked me about it 4 days ago**)

and the all-encompassing "I forgot it in my locker"

Too bad, so sad. It's not a hard assignment, either. Hopefully they'll get it together. I know that I didn't do my homework all the time, but seriously, guys. We've had two assignments total in the past 5 weeks. Unacceptable. 

Other than those fun excuses i got to read today, not that much happened this week. I'm going camping tomorrow which will be a well-deserved break for both Michael and I. And the weather has been dipping into the sixties! Good timing. 

I made it...

...through my first open house! I was really nervous leading up to it, especially in the moments before they entered my room. But somehow I made it through the whole thing in one piece. In fact, it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be at all. I was afraid of seeming incompetent, too young... I don't even know what else. I feared running out of things to say, that I would be standing up there twiddling my thumbs and having to ask for the dreaded 'questions' that the seasoned teachers said not to ask for because they'll put you on the spot. So I talked a lot, and they enjoyed it (I guess.) Like I said, wasn't that bad at all. 

I feel that they're starting to come around this week. I feel like we're finding common ground, and that it's clicking (honestly for the both of us.) I'm starting to identify myself as a 'teacher' in the sense that classes are starting to flow and I'm feeling confident about everything going on. The students are beginning to take part in the class and get into routine, which is nice and easier for all of us to get things done. We've been covering grammar stuff which tends to get a bit dry, but they're taking it in well. I have to think about how I can teach 'subject' and 'verbs' because apparently they don't remember or never learned how to do it. Hello. If I wanted to be an elementary teacher then I would have gotten my degree in that. Oh well. 

Life is good! Let's make it over the hump day... then I get to go camping this weekend. 

Made it to Friday

It's the end of week three, and once again, I'm finding myself exhausted. The only things I want to do when school ends are eat chocolate (I've been eating TONS) and go on facebook, because my brain is fried and facebook is about all I can handle. But tonight of course we're having a barbecue and friends over... I might accidently fall asleep forever. This week was good. I would say the recurring theme was 'discipline' because it was time to set my foot down. It worked for all of my classes except sixth period, which is the biggest and most talkative. I have to email some parents this weekend, because some of the kids were obnoxious. Well, the end. I can't think of anything else, and my husband just got home. Goodnight. Oh wait, it's only 6:30. 

Grrr

 They're good kids, but I let them run me the heck right over. I was a pushover in terms of discipline today, and I  was/am kind of discouraged about it. By lunch time I felt like I blew it for the entire year... that if I hadn't gotten it under control by now, then I lost them forever. 

I had some chance to reflect on the way home, talk to other teachers about it (and my wonderful friend Jessica who was a proteacher with me) and I realized that it's okay. This is normal. They're pushing me and trying to see what they can get away with, which means it's time for me to figure out what I'm going to do to let them know it's not acceptable to disrespect me in the classroom. Nothing major has happened, but they want to talk to their friends too much. They have to understand that I will give them time to interact with each other if they are respectful during instructional time. 

I am so thankful for the saying "tomorrow is another day," because it's giving me hope right now. I'm not going to stress out or get angry that they weren't good listeners because I need to show them who's boss. I was a social butterfly in middle school, so I know what it's like to keep on talking despite my teachers' warnings. But I also remember what it was like to be reprimanded, and how it made me super upset. So tomorrow is the new me... not a mean teacher or an angry teacher, but a confident one who follows through on discipline. 

Now I will go work out. Or cook dinner. Or grade papers. Or plan for tomorrow. 

Beginning of week three

Apparently I made it through the second week. There were moments where I started feeling like a real teacher, but those were fleeting and it was back to drowning. I'm tired. I'm super tired. We don't have a planning period, so it's six straight classes. After school we have one hour to 'plan,' but we're required to attend all kinds of meetings so we end up being stuck at school until 6. Then more planning at home (I just finished at 10.) I'm not complaining, but I definitely am somewhat drained. 

I'm feeling kind of alone lately. The other teachers are incredible and have been so helpful, but it's getting to the point where I need to figure out stuff on my own. Last night I was super anxious about going to school today, mostly because I didn't feel prepared, but also because I'm thinking about what I'll do in all the situations that are going to arise. Like parent conferences. And phone calls. And when am I going to get my school laptop? How can I ensure that I'm grading their papers fairly? And what about the hyperactive crazy kids that need the most attention? How can I give them the support they deserve when I have a big class (and I'm exhausted?) I don't know how these things are supposed to happen yet. 

I had a kid up until this afternoon with tourettes, autism, OCD and epilepsy. He was a trip... what a sweet kid. But my only issue with him was his flatulence. Every day without failing he would rip a huge fart. How am I supposed to deal with this as a teacher? It took everything I had today not to laugh. Because farting is funny, normally. But not in a classroom :)

I'm going to bed. We're teaching 'genre' this week.... so hopefully these kids will be able to tell me about fiction and nonfiction this week. 

Day four. Almost to the weekend...

I can't believe I've almost made it past the dreaded first week. It feels like forever. Yesterday went so smoothly, then today was a zoo. It really was a good learning experience as to how important it is to plan ahead; I had to go to training yesterday, and I arrived super early today, but it still wasn't enough. I think I need to keep in mind that everything is going wonderfully and I don't need to freak out as much. I'm at least able to pretend like I know what I'm doing (and like I know what's going on) enough to get me through the day. I'm going to have to start disciplining, but it's so hard! Where do I start? How do I get the squirrely ones to be engaged so that I don't have to be on them every day, every five minutes? It's not their faults they can't sit still after lunch. I'm the same way... so why is it fair that I expect them to sit still and quietly for a whole hour? Is it because I'm the teacher, the adult, and they're the kid? We should be outside reading and writing and dreaming. I guess we'll wait till winter, when it's not so stinkin hot. Anyways, I gotta go to bed. It's late... I have a busy wedding weekend ahead of me, and I gotta make it through the half-day tomorrow. Peace out. 

Hump-day already?

I am kind of disappointed I didn't make the time to reflect on my very first day ever of teaching!! These past three days have been an absolutely ridiculous whirlwind. Every part of my body is aching in protest, and tons of stress are sitting in giant knots in my shoulders. My kids are squirrely and I already adore them to pieces. It's going to be a great year. 

Monday I arrived at school an hour and a half early to practice breathing. The parents all started arriving with their students to help them with their schedules. A couple were crying, one threw up from nervousness, and they all pretty much had a terrified look on their faces. It was cute. Homeroom was 2 hours long, and consisted of teaching them how to use a lock for 45 minutes, assigning lockers in random places, giving them time to open their pencil packs and write their names on their stuff, and to encourage them to make it through the day. The rest of our classes were 15 minutes long, but taking into account that they walked into the room, sat down, and realized they were in the wrong place, we didn't get much done. Somehow I survived, and I've been blessed to have a sub in my room which really worked to my advantage (she can get the little stuff done!) I came home Monday in a daze, not quite sure what went on, but already thinking nonstop about how precious my kids are. 

Two days later, I feel like I've been there for weeks. And not necessarily in a good way, just my physical exhaustion. We're all tired... we have no planning, and it's been hectic as the administration attempts to figure out scheduling. Yesterday we went over more expectations for my classroom procedures, except I'm kind of lying because I really don't know exactly how I want them to do things. Where are they going to turn in their papers? How do I want them to ask to go to the bathroom? What if they have to sharpen their pencils? What the heck am I going to do for homework? These are all questions that I'm bs-ing the answers to, because I really haven't decided how I want them to do things. I guess we'll just go with the flow.

Sixth graders are adorable. They don't know what's going on, they can't make decisions for themselves, yet they're starting to gain some independence and grow up a little. I see this through their "I Am" poems, which are pretty incredible. I'm really proud of them for getting into them and answering from their hearts. Some of them are kind of heart breaking, but it makes me remember how important teaching is and how it can really affect students' lives. Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I hope these kids will at least remember that I truly cared for them. Even the annoying ones. They make me think of myself as a middle schooler, dubbed the 'social butterfly.'

Today we wrote the poems, and I took their pictures. I'm going to post them up somewhere random around the room. Not sure where, or what its purpose is, but I guess it'll make them feel special. Maybe. I'm not sure they'll all want me to put their poems on the wall, but I want to start portfolios because I think they're great. Then we'll keep all the good stuff together, and I'll do something with it at the end of the year. 

Oh and I'm finally hired by the county! Hurray. Now I can actually get paid, get my school laptop, email address, and website. That is exciting stuff. Back to grading papers; the Chinese takeout guy (aka michael) is almost home with the 'dinner' i prepared. Way too lazy tonight. 

Um... it's tomorrow?

I start teaching tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I guess I am as ready as I could be. I still have some work to do tonight, like figuring out exactly how the day will go. It's going to be pretty hectic due to the lack of orientation (dang tropical storm.) I can't wait to meet my little babies as they walk in my door all scared and crying because they have to leave their parents... it'll be a fun day :) I've been super calm leading up to tomorrow, not sure why, because I guess I should be freaking out, but I know that this is where the Lord wants me to be. I guess I'm experiencing the true meaning of "not worrying about tomorrow" because it will certainly worry about itself. I know that I'm going to be overwhelmed and flying through the day without really knowing what's going on, so I guess I'm not nervous now because I know I'll be fine. I just hope that I can live up to the expectations that have been set for me... that I'll be an effective teacher, that they'll like me, that I'll be able to teach them as well as the incredible teachers on my team. I want them to love english like I do... even the grammar stuff (which I need to work on!) It'll be a great, tough, wonderful, crazy first year!

The first day is coming...

I'd like to attempt to write about my first year as a teacher. I think it will help me to focus and think about what goes on in my classroom, and most importantly how I can improve on a consistent basis. First of all, let me share about my experience of getting the job in the first place.

I've been relocated to Jacksonville for a couple weeks now, and after many attempts of finding a job, I was unsuccessful. I finally got an interview and an offer, but it was with a scripted FCAT remedial program that I wasn't too keen on teaching. So, after an anxious day of wrestling with myself and some wonderful conversations with other teachers, I decided to decline the position and give it up to the Lord. It was a tough call because of the stress of finding a job in Florida this year, but I felt that God had something out there for me. 

A couple days later, a position opened up at a middle school in St. Augustine. I immediately emailed the principal my credentials and resume; to my surprise, I received a phone call later that night as I was on my way to meet some friends for dinner. We talked for about 15 minutes as she told me about her school and the wonderful teachers she had. I found myself extremely excited during the conversation... she scheduled an interview for me the following Monday. There was something about her that stuck out to me. That weekend, I prayed a ton and had everyone I knew praying for me. I only felt peace as I prepared for the interview.

The morning of, my husband prayed for me before he left for work. That meant so much to me... it started my day off perfectly. I was not nervous in the slightest bit as I entered the school. I had a wonderful conversation with the principal as we talked about our favorite middle school books and my future career as a middle school teacher. I passed the first 'phase' and then met 6 language arts teachers that had moved with the principal from another school. Again, I was not nervous as we sat and talked as if we knew each other. I brought my portfolio and answered any questions they had about my philosophy of teaching/reading. It was so natural- it was crazy how at ease I felt. 

I left so they could talk about me, and met two girls slightly older than me who were so nice. I knew they had to be Christians (and I was right!) The principal walked out and led me to her office where she told me that she wanted me at her school, and not to accept any other position. She was genuinely excited about me being there, and that was a crazy feeling.

So here I am. I've been planning all week, and I have the most wonderful teachers as guides. I couldn't ask for more amazing people to mentor me through my first year. The other language arts teacher is incredible, and I am so excited about working with her. My school is beautiful... practically brand new, extremely supportive parents, all the technology I could imagine. I am blessed beyond belief to be the 'chosen one' out of 797 applicants. I know that the Lord has a plan for me at Pacetti Bay; I am not sure why He chose me for the position, but I am beyond excited to be there. 

As I am sitting outside on my patio, watching the trees blow through tropical storm Fay, I am at peace with the upcoming first day of school. I'm not quite ready, and I know I'll be terrified the day of, but I know the Lord has me in his hands and will guide me each step of the way. It is imperative that I make the time to ask Him to direct me, because this is His will, His school, and His plan. Did I mention that the majority of the teachers there are Christians? Hot dang! I can't wait to meet each one of my sixth grade babies and hope that I will be conformed to Christ's image each and every day as I love on my kids.