Welcome, Spring!

I am deliriously happy at the moment at the change of weather; parked on the porch and basking in the glorious Florida sunshine. 

I do believe my desire for a cold-weathered state has been abolished.

Spring, I welcome you with gratitude and warmth. I look forward to the gardening you promise, stuffing myself into bikinis at the beach/springs, and most importantly, your sweet transition into summer's pure bliss. 

This week has brought about new 'a-ha!' moments as I continue to create words to my innermost thoughts and struggles. I experienced a bit of a breakthrough last night while working on what our small group calls our 'wound charts.' It looks something like this:

Wound (something that happens) combines with the message, or lie, you believe about yourself, which leads to an agreement you make with yourself, then a vow you make, which ultimately comprises your 'false self.' Did that make any sense at all? Probably not. So here's an example in my own life:

Wound: poor leadership at the church I went to in Gainesville, along with feeling left out or not included at various churches we tried in Jacksonville

Message I received from that: Your faith is lacking; that's why you felt left out.

My agreement: I can't have a faith as strong as people I see at church because my faith is weak and I'm less of a Christian than they are (sounds lame, I know. But I can't help feeling this way!)

The vow I make to myself: I'll pray for change, but it has to come on my own terms and it can't be too challenging. 

How I feel about myself (my "False Self") --I'm mediocre Christian. 

Whew! I did three more for various reasons, and it was SO stinkin' cool. I'm probably not making it seem as powerful as it is, but before last night, I couldn't articulate why I felt the way I did about my faith, and I realize it went way back to college and being 'wounded' by the church that I worked for.

I'm thankful for this quiet, beautiful weather to continue to work through my life :)

This weekend we found ourselves in Charleston, a much-anticipated trip to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Amy. The weather was lovely, the food delicious, and the company superb :) I love that as we get older, our friendship continues to grow-- a friendship that started in the 8th grade. We've been through heartaches, college, first jobs, and now marriage... and I'm so thankful for my best friends who will see me through this life. 

Highlights from the weekend are as follows:

Straw Market

Amy befriends anyone who doesn't fit the norm. This woman was walking her cat through the market. His name was Max. 

Our marathon walk through the city... and stopping to take pictures every 20 feet. Good thing our husbands love us so much and didn't complain (too much!) when we kept asking them to take our picture. 

Rainbow Row was anti-climactic. Good thing Amy and Paul bought a magnet of it, before realizing there were a lot cooler things to see. 

It took a lot of work to get me up in this tree.... Mike pulled while Paul hoisted. 

But the shots were worth it :)

A pay phone? Seriously?!

I choose you, amazing beautiful house. 

And at the end of the day, Paul was TIRED! He got to the point where he thought death would be a better choice than waiting for our late trolley. 

That night we ate. This morning we ate. I need to run many miles this week to make up for the amount of food consumed this weekend.

But oh, was it worth it. 

Anchored

I feel like I'm breaking some kind of rule:

It's lunch time and I snuck outside the door in the room next to me to enjoy the warmth of the sunshine with my shoes kicked off and Fleet Foxes on Pandora. Maybe I'll catch up on blogs. Maybe I'll plan on where I'm going to gorge my face this weekend in Charleston.

Or maybe, I'll take a moment to write down that I am full of hope right now. Hope is the "anchor for our souls," my life mantra, if you will. I have hope that in fact I am using my God-given gifts and talents to bless others, and am not wasting my life away like the lies in my mind love me to believe. I have hope that my students will rock the Florida Writes next week, and that one day they will say, "You remember Mrs. Checchia? Everything I know about writing started with her, and I'm thankful for that." (maybe that's a little ambitious..) I have hope that I'm where I'm supposed to be, that I'm giving life everything that I have to offer.

And my heart is happy to receive messages like this from a student who we're not sure is going to make the best decisions towards a "positive lifestyle, but whom I 'believe' in anyways:

"i think im doing quit well , i just need help with my grabber and organizer and i think the house as well. um i don't know ( didn't say idk ;)) if we cn work on this in class or if i have to come before or after school , what ever it takes i need to be the first one in my family to pass middle school and with your help im sure i will"

Sometimes it's reminders like these that teachers need as encouragement for doing what we do.

And I have pure joy at the prospect of spending this weekend with my love and BFF and her hubs in Charleston. One more hour of school, then I'm OUTTA HERE.

To re-address....

In a moment of recent brokenness I chose to post what I was going through. I don't want to go through this life pretending that everything is so full of joy all the time-- I'd say the majority most definitely IS, but I for sure have my moments of weakness and insecurities that I feel need to be documented.

I've had trouble articulating what it is that I'm experiencing-- but while writing an email to a friend, I felt I had nailed it. So I just copied and pasted parts:

Thanks for your email, it's just been a weird week. I want my blog to be a true reflection of my life, not only the joy but the yuck-- so even though it's challenging to throw myself out there for everyone to read, it helps me work through it.


For my small group we have to identify the lies that we base our identities on, and I'm realizing that mine is that I tend to feel not 'good' enough in a multitide of situations (not pretty enough, not a good enough wife, teacher, friend, whatever.


So I think because I've pinpointed that lie and have been journaling and praying through it, trying to let it go, I'm 'attacked' even more with those insecurities. It was absolutely nuts, the way my mind took off that night, playing scenario after scenario of the worst possible situations, playing on my insecurities in my marriage. I couldn't control it-- it really freaked me out.


But I'm good now--- still 'recovering,' but I feel a heck of a lot better and hope to 'purge' myself of the yuck that I'm having a difficult time relinquishing.
 
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Counting down the hours until the weekend which promises Charleston with my BFF and her hubs, and a big 'ol case of Fat Tire.

Sweet Savannah

I live live for the weekends now. Especially ones that include a bonus day off. (Thank you, presidents.)

We all collectively knew we wanted to get the heck outta dodge (what does that even mean?) So after some hemming and hawing, it was decided that Savannah was the destination of choice. 

And Michael found the most AMAZING, perfect apartment for the weekend... a huge, old building right in the heart of Savannah. 

(and heck yeah Michael and I claimed the best room!) 

The best part about Savannah is that there's no open container law, which creates fun times.  

Oh, and they have FAT TIRE!!!

We cruised the streets and didn't let the rainy weather deter from the pleasantries. 

We might have engaged in epic window dancing for all of Savannah to see. It was straight out of a movie. 

 And the day after was cold. Oh was it cold, but we powered through and enjoyed the sunshine before heading back to our lives/jobs/whatevers. 

Heck yeah I rocked socks with Toms. It was stinkin' cold.

I love seeking adventures, breaks from the mundane, spending time with the hubs and the friends we've made. It's always a good time :) 

At school. Couldn't sleep last night, crazy bout of anxiety invaded my brain and bored itself into its crevices. Usually these types of repetitve, worst-case-scenario thoughts are reserved only for nights before observations or are a result of a negative event that is still awaiting consequences.

It was absolutely awful.

I found myself up a couple times pleading with the Lord to remove the half-dreams from my semi-conscious state, and at one point I felt like a blindfold was placed over my eyes which somewhat blacked out the thoughts. Long enough for a quick slumber, at least, until they started up again in full force. It made me feel so weak and helpless, these lies that bored into my head and tried to conquer my heart like a small army.

I was thankful when the morning alarm sounded, though today is a bit of a drag. I feel the weight of last night still camped out on my chest


-- looking forward to resting this afternoon and communing with the Lord.

Ode to my Valentine

(I attempted to write a silly poem just now, but nothing was coming out.)

I love how you and I are best friends.  Our relationship began with friendship and will always have that foundation. Despite what this life will bring, I know that we will be able to get through it with grace and love. I'm thankful that we always seek adventures, even if it's as simple as  driving 10 minutes to the woods for a quick jaunt with Diego. We share common life goals and ways to seek joy, yet are different as well in a complimentary way. It's the perfect fit-- you're the honey mustard to my chicken fingers, the dark chocolate to my peppermint, the transmission fluid to my janky truck. 

While I haven't always been a fan of Valentine's Day for  America's sick obsession with always needing a holiday to purchase for, I have come to appreciate the day for the fact that it forces me to plan how I make you smile, to ensure I take that day to let you know that I absolutely could not function without you. Thank you for making this year special, with the beautiful roses and a wonderfully devised plan for a perfect night out. It was worth the long, exhausting day at work and slight 'wine' headache as I worked with 8th graders one-on-one with their writing.

we had a phenomenal dinner at "Collage" and stayed out at Brett's afterwards

i attempted to make cake balls. actually, there was no cake involved... oreo truffles?

then i wrapped them in tinfoil and wrote a secret message

yep, pretty dang proud of myself. not gonna lie. 

i can't even begin to tell you how happy flowers make me. 

they fix everything, they make me feel like a princess. 

Happy heart day, friends!

Weekend Recap

Last night we saw Avett Brothers, a band we bought tickets for last November. It was a fantastic night with lovely people-- props to Annie for introducing me to her favorite genre of music.

And here's a summary of Sunday Funday: 

Hands down, best place for brunch in Jacksonville. I think I'll return every Sunday. 

Afterwards we checked out a couple of the stores in Riverside and hit up an antique shop where I found lovely treasures. I wanted to take them all home. 

Seriously.

Could this Saturday be any more perfect?
It's mornings like these that I dreamed when Michael and I were engaged. I understood that marriage wouldn't always be unicorns and rainbows, but I also hoped for moments of pure bliss like these.

Of course, everyone's ideal Saturday looks different, but mine starts off with sleeping in with nowhere to be, and a little snuggling with the whole fam (Diego joins as soon as he detects movement.) Mellow music (The Civil Wars, Adele, and Dave Matthews) played gently on Pandora and an extended, scalding shower was taken where legs were finally shaved.

Pandora station migrates to the living room, and as I'm getting dressed I hear the hubs putting away the dishes from last night (nothing's sexier than a man helping with chores!) which makes my heart extremely happy. Coffee made, time put into a breakfast of an egg scramble with avocado and saracha hot sauce (oh how I love my Saturday morning breakfasts.) Back porch sitting while Mike and Diego wrestle in the yard and the chilly wind dries my wet hair as Pandora continues to play spot on mellow music.

I am blessed. I am loved. I am recharged. And it's only the beginnings of a fantastic weekend.

Gotta go, Mike's waiting to play ping pong.

Reinstating THIS

Bringing back the picture-a-day... picking up where I left off.

MickeyD's

Last week was awfully long and tedious. 

I found myself crashing into bed every night, exhausted and unwilling to do anything

This week was different-- teaching in group stations helped it to fly by!

My lovely friend Catie was gracious enough to take me home today

... we shared a good laugh because her dang truck was the biggest one I think I've ever been in. 

She also claimed that the best food on the planet is ice cream from Mickey D's with hot fudge in the bottom of the cone. Of course we had to stop on the way home. 

It was messy...

Cheers to the weekend! Squeeze the life out of it!

Finding myself unable to sleep and hiding under the covers so the cell light doesnt bother the hubs. I came home today snarky and, as all actions have consequences, squelched the generally upbeat mood of the house. I don't mean to... There's a line to a country song that always runs through my head in these moments of weakness : i just wanna be mad for awhile!

Our topic of discussion tonight was what to do about the truck, which decided on its own today that it no longer feels like going into reverse. Imagine my surprise today upon discovering this realization. Even more so, the excitement at have to gun it over two curbs to get out it the parking lot at school hoping I didn't look too much like an idiot. I mean, how do you drive around a car that cannot reverse? I know i wont remember to park it in a pullthrough space everytine... I am screwed. Now I've gotten a taste of what my poor mother must have felt like driving the Volvo around all those years. By the time it got to me, the gas gauge didn't work (I knew it was time for gas when it started sweetly humming) and the speedometer was 15 miles too fast. But I loved that car...

I realize I am rambling. That's what happens when you knowingly drink Starbucks past your caffeine cutoff point. Next on the late night thinking agenda... Valentines day surprises :)